Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Trucking on with lupus

Finally I had the cystoscopy and the kidney CT scan done.  It's a relief to have them over with.

I don't like the IV injection of dye that goes with the CT scan.  It's a gross sensation, and my kidneys hurt for a couple of days afterwards.  I'd not had that pain before, and wasn't expecting it.  I was afraid it might mean that there was something wrong, but it didn't.  Everything was fine.  I guess having some pain like that helps you be extra grateful for a report of good results, and assuages the irritation of having  to pay for a test that probably could have been skipped.

I hate cystoscopies.  But this one was fast, over so quickly, I almost wondered if the doctor could have seen what he needed to see.  I am not complaining, as long as I don't have to go back.  He said it looked good.  He said that the kidneys are a filter, and as we age, filters have some backwash, and microscopic blood in my urine is no big deal.  This is not quite as comforting to me as it probably ought to be, but it is what it is.

So the next thing to work on will be my eyes, which are troubling me.  I put this off because I needed to get through the urology stuff, and also because I think I might have a routine ophthalmology appointment coming up, which would enable me not to have to worry about whether it is authorized by insurance.

In the middle of this, I'm still trying to get this house sort of decorated, or at least undoing some of the decorating that was here and is not according to my style.

I need to call a contractor to discuss tiling some bathroom floors.

Our master bathroom has a very cheap vinyl plank flooring right now, that Shawn and I put in when we tore out the carpet, as a stop-gap until we could figure out what to do.  Confession: it isn't very pretty, but I like it.  It's comfortable.  I know how frigid tile is going to be, once it is installed.  I am totally conflicted about this.  Here we are in this pretty-nice house, with a totally campy bathroom floor, and because comfort always trumps aesthetics for me, I am at a total loss to make a decision.

I also have paint swatches all over the kitchen table.  The peachy beige in the main front hall is just not right.  Yet, I don't think I really care enough to change it.  I don't like it, but I don't really care.  It is so not important to me.  And yet, I think, if we have to sell this house, we will have to fix that color.  And then I think, if we are going to eventually need to invest in fixing it, it would be nice to fix it in time to enjoy it.  But then again, I don't care enough to make a decision and move forward.

And, of course, there is balancing medical bills with home improvement bills.  Medical bills always win, unless I can get out of the tests in the first place.

Sometimes I think I am going blind, and I wonder how I will feel about home decorating when I can't see anything at all.

It looks like we might get to go to the Redwood Forests this summer, sometime.  Shawn used to say he didn't want to take me because he feared that once I'd satisfied that heart's desire, I'd just up and die on him.  I'll try not to.