Learning to forgive: three "simple" steps

Sometimes an unforgiving heart can cost a person a lost of rest.

God tells us to forgive.  He says we should forgive as we have been forgiven .  This does not mean that we can say, "Well, she didn't forgive me, so I'm not going to forgive her."  We are not to forgive as others have forgiven us.  We are to forgive as God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  God did not wait until we came repentantly asking for forgiveness.  He made the decision to forgive us, in Christ, while we were still sinners.

So if you are lying in your bed, tossing and turning and hurting, unable to sleep because of something somebody did to you... make the decision to forgive that person.  I will give you two good reasons why you should do this:

(1)  God commands it.  (Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 6:37, Luke 11:4, Luke 17:3-4)
(2)  You will not have peace until you do.

You cannot control what anybody else does.  You can only control what you do.  Do not surrender your peace to someone else's actions which you cannot control.  Forgive, for your own peace of mind.

Forgiveness does not mean

...you say, "It's ok what you did; I don't mind."

Forgiveness means

...you say, "I don't like what you did,
but I am going to let it go and leave it between you and God.  

I trust my Heavenly Father to take care of me.  God loves me and watches over me.  

He provides my peace and comforts me when I am sad."  

(Psalm 56:11, Psalm 118:6,  Romans 12:14-19, Hebrews 13:6).

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So I promised you three "simple" steps.  Here they are:

Step 1
Decide to forgive.  This is an act of the will.  Just say the words, no matter how your insides feel.  Say, "By the grace of God, I am going to forgive this person for doing this to me."

Step 2
Turn it over to Jesus.  Again, this is an act of the will and does not depend on your emotions.  The next time the person's face or name, or the thing the person did to you comes into your mind, force yourself to pray for the person.   Say, "God, please help me.  Please bless this person, and show Yourself in this person's life.  Please reveal truth to this person, according to Your perfect wisdom.  Please change and heal the broken places in this person's heart that caused this person to hurt me.  And, Jesus, please help me to trust You."

Step 3
Go back through steps 1 and 2 as many times as you need to.  Don't give up.  Eventually, you will feel better. (1 Thessalonians 5:23)

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There may not be reconciliation.  Jesus died on the cross so that forgiveness would be available to the whole world.  He paid the price for every single sin: past, present and future.  However, although forgiveness is available, God does not automatically apply it to all mankind.  People have to ask for it in order to benefit from it.

We are to forgive as Christ has forgiven us.  Reconciliation depends on the other person.  You cannot control it.  You cannot force it.  All you can do is forgive and allow God to free you from bitterness and hate.  If the other person comes to you and desires reconciliation, then glory be!  If not, you just live... trusting Jesus, letting go,

forgiving.